things nobody knows about me

       i am about to tell you guys about everything that nobody knows about me. so please, keep in down low, okay? i'm begging you to keep it in your heart, don't tell anybody else. ima tell you, but not here. ima tell you there, nobody's watching and nobody's around. don't make any small moves that make this lists split out. promise me you won't tell anybody, okay?
       so here it goes the lists of things that nobody knows about me:
1. i'm not good at finding things, i'm good at losing them
2. i never dyed my hair, my mom would kill me if i did
3. i don't like being in love. it makes me sick, sleepless and crazy.
4. one of my biggest dreams is to have my undergraduate or postgraduate degree on USA. i don't know why 5. it has to be USA, i just love that country. but i guess it's more like " grass is always greener on the other side" is my reason to be there
6. i wanna spend my old times at france with my family
i'm not really into sports, but i have to do sports as much as possible to maintain my weight and get a healthy body
7. i like to use the F word. yeah, i'm kinda mouthwatering person. hate it or like it, i don't fucking care
8. i sleep and eat much, and it makes my weight keep going up
9. i'd rather open my facebook than to face my book..hahahaha :D
10. i play with my phone or laptop when i'm waiting for someone, so i don't look stupid :P
11. i have a phobia of heights
12. i don't smoke and drink :)
13. i still suck my thumb before i sleep
14. i delete contacts of everyone who hurt my heart so badly like i'm deleting them from my head and memory

15. i really love chocolates and ice cream, AND I ALWAYS WILL!!!
16. i like staring at the night sky, especially when the moon is not covered by clouds
17. i love the sounds of guitar, violin and bass
18. i love making someone smile :)
19. i always write down what i'm thinking while writing something else
20. i love checks with lots of zeroes on 'em
21. i don't like when i'm hungry, then turn on the TV and see a random cooking show. it just makes me more damn hungry
22. i don't like wearing skirts or dresses
23. i've got my family and friends to make me feel stronger when the days are rough and an hours feels much much longer

24. i love muse, coldplay, eminem, the beatles, ABBA, michael learns to rock, john mayer, the white stripes, the fray, greenday, tokio hotel, pink floyd, indigo, justin bieber, ne-yo, barry likumahuwa, gleen fredly, paramore, foo fighters, and many many more
25. when i see food on TV, i instantly get hungry
26. when i was in kindergarten, my friends were mostly boys not girls
27. when i was a kid, i used to think taht the sun and moon were following me
28. when i was a kid, i used to put my face close to the fan to hear my robot voice, ummm wait i still do that
29. when i'm bored i tend to eat even when i.m not hungry
30. i love wearing shirts and jeans
31. i am weird, at least i am not fake
32. i do look my reflection when i walk pass pareked cars or windows   
33. i love roses
      okay that's it.. actually there are more, but im kinda tired of typing these. this is me, and i dont plan to chage for anyone else.. thanks :)

TENTANG MAHASISWA ITU

        aku menyukainya sebab ia seorang aktivis di kampusku. Aku tidak begitu mengenalnya, hanya beberapa kali bertemu dan mengobrol, tidak begitu jelas memang, kenapanya atau bagaimananya (bukankah semuanya seperti itu?) tetapi rasanya cukup alasan untuk menyukainya. Dia bukan mahasiswa seangkatanku, tidak sekampus (secara teknik) apalagi sekelas denganku. Tetapi dia sefakultas denganku, fakultas hukum. 

Dalam kelas mungkin dia cukup aktif, selalu berkutat dengan bukunya dan mencatat seluruh penjelasan dosen. Atau malah ia merupakan mahasiswa kesayangan semua dosen. Entahlah, sudah kukatakan aku tidak seangkatan apalagi sekelas dengannya. Dan hari itu, ketika aku melihatnya berbicara di hadapan mahasiswa-mahasiswa lain mengenai sesuatu yang saat itu kepalaku tidak dapat mencernanya, entah kenapa aku menyukainya karena itu. Aneh memang, aku belum begitu mengenalnya, siapa ia sebenarnya, atau darimana asal-usulnya. sudahlah, ia juga belum begitu mengenalku atau bahkan mugkin saja ia tidak peduli padaku, yang aku tahu sekarang hanyalah "aku menyukainya, atau mungkin juga mengaguminya, sebab ia seorang aktivis di kampusku..."

DEAR BESTFRIENDS

dear bestfriends, 
Do you guys remember all the silly things we did in high school? 
Doing crazy things in the mushola instead of praying 
And it took hours just to pray in the mushola, because we always joked around before started it
oh, do you remember those kitties we used to play with?

We used to put choki-choki all over their bodies, then they started to lick each other 
I wonder how big they are now 
We used to go to canteen together, buying choki-choki then eat it in the class during the lesson
 Our lockers were full of unpredictable and unknown things
I remember how sleepy we were when civics class began
I remember how our hearts beated so fast when physics class began
Oh and how excited we were when Tom Power thaught us in english class, do you guys still remember him?
We used to become just like papparazi, we stalked him everywhere he went
hahahhaah it was silly, but so much fun though

We did pranks to each other, do you remember it?
When it came to free periods, we watched movies in the class
Do you remember when we watch a movie called "the perfume"?
That movie was full of naked girls and we liked it, hahahaha
And the most important thing was:
We had the same dream, go to STAN
We studied together, we struggled together to make it come true
But, apparently we would never make it happen
The three of us would never go to STAN together
We now have different ways, different paths of life
I miss those moments, guys...
It's sad how distance tore us apart now
It's sad how we barely talk about silly things anymore
It's sad that i have to confront myself to believe that you guys now have your own ways
I wrote this with tears on my cheeks
I miss you guys, SO MUCH.....

what i fear of

setiap manusia pasti punya salah satu atau bahkan beberapa hal yang paling dia takuti nah aku kan juga manusia nih ceritanya , jadi wajar-wajar saja kalau aku juga punya hal-hal yang paling au takuti di dalam hidup ini. ada beberapa hal yang paling aku takuti di dunia ini, yaitu

1. Allah

.. tentu saja aku takut dengan-Nya. Dia yang menciptakan aku, Tuhan dari seluruh alam buana ini.

 

2. Ibu

.. ya, ibu yang telah melahirkan dan merawat aku dengan kasih sayangnya. dan di setiap restunya terdapat restu Allah SWT. aku takut untuk menyakitinya, aku takut untuk membuatnya kecewa, dan yang paling aku takuti adalah aku takut untuk membuatnya menangis karena tidak dapat memenuhi pintanya dan menjadi apa yang dia inginkan.

3. ketinggian

.. selama aku masih hidup di dunia ini, selama aku masih tinggal di indonesia, selama justin bieber belum jadi pacarku, aku akan terus takut pada ketinggian. nggak tau kenapa, setiap aku berada di ketinggian, jantungku berdegup dengan kencang dan badan gemeteran semua (kayak tanda-tanda jatuh cinta aja, yak? hahaha). nggak akan ada deh yang bisa ngilangin phobia ku terhadap ketinggian, sudah terlanjur mendarah daging.

4. Jatuh cinta

.. mungkin ini terdengar agak aneeh di telinga orang atau bahkan hewan kebanyakan. ya, aku takut untuk berhadapan dengan sesuatu yang bernama 'cinta' itu. karena ketika jatuh cinta, aku jadi seperti orang yang seperempat waras dan tigaperempat gila, jadi sering senyum-senyum sendiri, sering nulis puisi, jadi kepikiran dia terus hingga susah tidur dan yang paling parah, jatuh cinta membuatku tidak bisa fokus terhadap apapun yang aku lakukan. yah jatuh cinta bisa membuat pikiranku teralih 180 derajat, atau lebih. oh ya, aku juga takut untuk sakit hati, aku tidak siap untuk menanggung perihnya. i've had enough!!

sebenarnya masih banyak hal yang aku takuti di dunia ini, tapi keempat hal itulah yang paling aku takuti. aku tidak berniat seikitpun merubah rasa takutku terhadap keempat hal itu, NOT EVEN A THING!!! eh tapi, untuk yang keempat, mungkin aku akan merubahnya, tapi tidak untuk saat ini. aku belum membahagiakan ibuku, aku belum bisa menjadi apa yang ibuku inginkan, jika aku jatuh cinta sekarang, aku takut aku akan menomorduakan kebahagiaan ibuku. Ya Allah, aku mohon jangan biarkan aku jatuh cinta untuk saat ini.. amin..

11.11

day: ‎Sunday, ‎February ‎13, ‎2011
time: 11.11 am
    yah kejadian ini terjadi pada pukul 11.11. seharusnya jam segitu membawa berkah bagiku, karena kata orang, jika kita mengucapkan keinginan kita pada jam 11.11 maka keinginan kita itu akan terkabul,  ehhhh malah kejadian super aneh yang menghinggapiku pada jam 11.11

    jadi gini ceritanya, ketika aku sedang merenung untuk menulis sebuah tulisan untuk ibuku, tiba-tiba hape BB ku (Bobrok Banget) bunyi dan getar-getar nggak jelas. ternyata ada sebuah sms masuk

    from: 085729XXXXXX
    halloooo dewi. lagi ngapain? aku udah di depan rumah nih, keluar dong....

    ASTAGA!! jujur aku nggak mengenali nomor hape itu. who the fuck is this? shock tingkat anak SD nih.. ckckckck. lalu aku bales dah tu sms

    to: 085729XXXXXX
    aku lagi di nulis-nulis aja di kamar. ini siapa ya? emang kamu di depan rumah aku ya? aku udah liat keluar, tapi kok nggak ada orang. yang ada malah anjing lagi pipis di pohon depan rumah aku. itu kamu?

    3 menit kemudian....

    from: 085729XXXXXX
    hahaha masa aku anjing sih? ini aku edo temen kamu. masa sih nggak liat ada orang di depan rumah kamu?

    wah temen aku yang namanya edo itu kan banyakkk, goblok yah ni orang. ah jadi penasaran sama ni orang, kemudian aku bales lagi sms nya

    to: 085729XXXXXX
    beneran aku nggak liat siapa-siapa, yang ada cuma anjing lagi pipis, suwer deh.. kamu disebelah mananya sih? edo yang mana ya?

    5 menit kemudian....

    from: 085729XXXXXX
    aku lagi di depan rumah sendiri, bukan di depan rumah kamu.. hehehehe :p

    arggghhhh sialan nih orang, bikin jantungan aja, ternyata cuma ngerjain aku.. #!@#$@!$%^&&!!!! setelah itu nggak aku bales sms nya dia, males ngeladeni orang sarap kayak dia..

Cinta Untuk Ibu

ibu, aku sangat mencintaimu. semalam,aku sempatkan untuk menulis sebuah tulisan yang menunjukkan betapa aku sangat mencintaimu. dan aku harap ibu menyukainya :)

IBU
ibu, rasa cintaku padamu tidak bertepi
langit bukan batasan atas besarnya cintaku kepadamu
dilahirkan olehmu merupakan berkah yang sangat melimpah untukku
tidak bosan-bosannya aku memberitahumu bahwa aku mencintaimu
ibu, rasa cintaku....
lebih dari bunga-bunga yang bermekaran di musim semi
lebih dari seluruh air yang ada di permukaan bumi ini
lebih dari bintang-bintang yang bertaburan di langit tinggi
lebih dari seluruh makhluk di darat dan air
lebih dari segenap benih yang ditebar di semua ladang di bumi
lebih dari rasa cintaku pada fisika (?)
lebih dari ribuan bahkan jutaan kata-kata dalam berjilid-jilid buku
lebih dari bulu dari segala jenis burung
lebih dari luasnya jagat raya alam semesta ini
lebih dari perasaan risau dan galu di hatiku
lebih dari khayal dan olah seniku
lebih dari apapun yang ada di kehidupan yang semu ini
padamu kukirimkan cintaku ini, ibu
berjuta-juta kali
somoga kebahagiaan selalu dan selalu menghujanimu

my hate lists

 the things that i hate the most
1. i hate how easy giving advice to someone, but when it comes to me, somehow following advice is not as easy as giving it
2. i hate when beautiful girls think they're ugly just to get anttention and complement from people,that's just so naive
3. i hate flies
4. i hate when girls using sqeeky voice to their boyfriends
5. i hate darkness
6. i hate playboys
7. i hate when people trying to outsmart me, oh just shut the fuck up people!!
8. i hate traitor
9. i hate when people trying to insult my mom and dad. if they insult me, honestly i can take it, but when it happens againts my mom and dad, just prepare your fucking ass being kicked
10. i hate when people judging me. oh just back the fuck off, you have no fucking idea what i've been through for my life
11. i hate chinese people. not that i'm racist, but i just had a very bad bad experience with one, well, it was extremely bad
12. i hate kangen band and any oyher cheesy bands
13. i hate korean boybands, they're faggots
14. i hate when people whispering on my ear, it just tickles me :D
15. i hate when girls spoil to their boyfriends. just grow up girls!!
16. i hate 'landak'
17. i hate when i'm feeling so sleepy, but because of some reasons, i just can't sleep
18. i hate backstabber and traitor (oh did i meention it?)
19. i hate valentine's day
20. i hate looking back, but somehow i'm always looking back, i just can't resist it
21. i hate girls that wear too much make-up, they're fake!
22. i hate doing something really stupid in front of someone special
23. i hate gaining so much weight during holiday
24. i hate people who actually have the perfect life but act like they have the worst life ever
25. i hate when my mom and dad compare me with other kids
26. i hate those who break their promises, then make promises again, but keep breaking them
27. i hate when people comparing me with other person as a form of critism
28. i hate people who just critics the government without giving any solution to make differences
29. i hate peoplw who think they're rght when they're actually wrong
30. i hate those who say "i know how you feel". NO YOU DON'T, you're not me, you don't have my life, you definitely can't understand how exactly i feel
31. i hate people who can't seem to listen to what i believe, but they always tell theirs and force me to listen to them
32. i hate when people having too much expectation of me, as if i'm living my life for them
33. i hate when my cellphone died while i'm in the middle of a really important text or call
34. i hate girls who always think about their look
35. i hate exam or any other kind of test
36. i hate number 6
37. i hate cocroaches
38. i hate crying childs
39. i hate when the battery of my laptop keep going down when i still really need it
40. i hate how the time keeps running fast and can not be stopped or at least jsut slow down
41. i hate rules
42. i hate nuts
43. i hate everything that makes me hate something i hate the most ( i have no idea what i just write, hahaha :p)
44. i hate the fact that i love junkfood
45. i hate when the clouds covering the moon
46. i hate when my little brother always bothering me
47. i hate thinking about him, but accidently i always think about him
48. i hate how i can't spend my holiday witout my bestfriends
49. i hate carrots, and every food that has the word "rot" on them
50. i hate making this hate list because make me sneeze (?) hahahha

KESEDIHAN HATI

KESEDIHAN HATI

mengapa ini semua harus terjadi

disaat aku telah berharap banyak padamu

disaat aku telah merancang semua mimpi-mimpi yang akan aku jalani bersamamu kelak

betapa perihnya hatiku saat mengetahui ternyata kenyataan tidak setinggi harapan-harapanku itu

hatiku tidak kuat menahan sakit ini

hatiku membencimu

hatiku sakit

aku minta maaf karena telah mencintaimu

dan aku juga minta maaf karena sekarang aku putuskan untuk membencimu

mencoba menghapus nama mu dari jaringan ingatanku

mencoba menghilangkan bayangmu yang terus menghantui pikiranku

karena aku tak sanggup menahan sakit yang telah kau goreskan

karena aku tak sanggup melihatmu lagi dan megingat semua luka

sudah kucoba untuk ikhlas menerima semua keputusanmu

sudah kucoba untuk menghibur diri sekalipun luka yang aku rasakan bertubi menusuk kalbu

namun

aku tak sekuat batu karang yang tetap tegak berdiri menantang ombak yang setiap hari menghempasnya

aku tak sekokoh megalith yang menjulang tinggi dan tetap kokoh menjulang tinggi, siap terhembus angin setiap hari

aku tak segagah tugu selamat datang yang siap menerima apapun dan siapapun yang masuk setiap hari

maaf jika aku tidak akan mengindahkanmu lagi jika kelak aku mengenalmu lagi

terimakasih atas semua harapan-harapan yang selama ini kau berikan

aku tidak akan menagih harapan itu

selamat tinggal yaa

sudah aku putuskan, jika suatu saat aku bertemu dan mengenalmu lagi

kau akan menjadi sosok yang benar-benar baru bagiku

dan aku harap begitu pula aku bagimu

upps sepertinya aku tidak rela jika aku tidak membalas semua luka yang telah kamu torehkan di hatiku, hatiku terlalu sakit, hatiku terlalu membencimu. kita tunggu saja apa yang akan aku lakukan suatu saat nanti padamu untuk membayar semua perih yang kamu berikan.

by the way terimakasih yaa telah mengajarkan aku apa itu harapan semu dan apa itu sakit hat. Terimakasih sekali:)

77 things i wanna do before i die

      1.       dye my hair light brown

2.       have a duck

3.       finding a wishing well ( ha! sounds impossible, but nothing's in this world is impossible)

4.       ride in a helicopter or even a jet? hahaha

5.       go to the bottom of the sea

6.       go to vancouver, Canada

7.       meet justin bieber, then hug him, kiss him, be his girlfriend, marry him, have kids with him (and this is going too far hahhaha:D)

8.       go skydiving with my litlle brother

9.       have checks with lots of zeros on 'em

10.   get to be on TV (for not something bad, surely)

11.   go around Indonesia

12.   go to south america ( ya know, it's like america but SOUTH)

13.   have tons of sugar (FYI, i do really like sugar, don't judge!)

14.   candle light dinner with my beloved family in Eiffel tower

15.   speak fluently in english, french, spanish and arabic

16.   have a latin or american husband

17.   be a diplomat ( this should be on the 1st of this lists)

18.   go to mecca with my beloved family

19.   build a tent inside my room

20.   make my mom proud of what i've achieved

21.   see a rainbow ( already did)

22.   be strong and not clumsy anymore (on my way to achieve this)

23.   try to stop china buliding their reign of made-in-chine products

24.   build belitung as a great city

25.   read mein kampf (already did, but it was part I)

26.   have a good handwriting, at least, readable hahaha

27.   not to babble anymore when i'm nervous

28.   wanna meet a girl who always says say what

29.   have my drive license ( i know i'm 18 now, PATHETIC)

30.   prank my little brother ( i did it everyday)

31.   have my own credit cards, just like dad's

32.   touch a monk's head

33.   paint my room into purple

34.   see a real angel

35.   stand on a highest mountain with someone really special

36.   write a blog ( upps already did, but not perfect yet)

37.   have a white guinnea pig

38.   bath in dead sea

39.   ride in a hot air balloon

40.   backpack through europe

41.   married and have kids

42.   earn money by myself, and not to spend daddy's money anymore

43.   pay mommy's bills

44.   go to las vegas for my little brother's wedding party

45.   build a school for those who can't go to school because of finance reason

46.   have my pascasarjana in foreign country ( preferebly in US)

47.   climb mount everest

48.   ride a horse

49.   buy my daddy a house

50.   pet a tiger on my backyard

51.   go fishing and actually catch a fish or more

52.   live with my family in france and spend the old years over there

53.   invent something, hmmm i don't know what yet, but definitely will invent something :)

54.   move out of the country

55.   be in 2 places at once (sounds incredible, yeah!)

56.   have a clown fish on my bathroom

57.   go to egypt and see pyramid

58.   stand in a great wall in china

59.   wear the cutest wedding dress in the history of wedding dress on my wedding party

60.   personallly help to destroy hunger and poverty in my beloved country, Indonesia

61.   get revenge to someone who badly hurt my heart

62.   go on a peace mission in middle east

63.   personally help to feed ethiopia

64.   learn how to surf

65.   write my lifes trory for my children and grandchildren

66.   rent a cottage in bali with my husband

67.   go to north and south pool

68.   shop in forever 21

69.   fly a plane by myself

70.   help to build a house for kids with no parents

71.   go to mount fuji in japan

72.   show all the jewish how great Muslim is by doing something, still don't know how and what yet

73.   show kids in my country how bad the impact of free sex

74.   get to be in the UNICEF missions for children accross the world, any mission

75.   see and catch fireflies

76.   not using any plastic products anymore for a better mother of nature

77.   make all of this lists come true, yeaaahhhhh!!!